August 11, 2015

First Date Retake

If you could start from the beginning to that very first night where you met your significant other, would you choose that person again?

Most people portray their very best self in the beginning and I say portray because I do feel like we put out there who we want to be and not necessarily who we really are on a daily basis #deepiknow. Christian literally had me convinced that he was Don Juan/Rico Suave all wrapped up into one. I can honestly say though, (and I think my friends can attest), I'm a pretty straight shooter and what you see is what you get on day 1, day 1,000, and so on and so forth. So I won't speak in absolutes, but sometimes the wheels come off after a few months or even after the first year of a relationship.

The first time Christian met my sister and brother-in-law we went to a nice restaurant on the water front in Boston. They served an olive dish with the bread before the appetizers came out. We were all having a great time and all of a sudden my sister screams "who is spitting the pits out and putting them back in the olive dish"?!!! I closed my eyes….. #no. Don Juan has left the building.

So one night I suggested and impromptu "first date".  Christian was a disaster and ended up quitting the "act" before the intermission because he knew he was failing miserably. However, I still wanted to do this from start to finish and stay in character.  I wanted to see if I would I find Christian interesting, funny or engaging? Would I want to go on a second date?  Would he attempt to have table manners? What I'm used to now is him eating my food like my plate is under attack, so much so that I'm fairly certain that the table next to us can surely hear his fork stabbing my food.  He also drinks my drinks, disguised in "let me taste yours" which coincidentally is the same exact drink he has except that he doesn't sip his, he chugs them, which is why he wants a "taste" of mine.  Then the desert… I would prefer to eat desert rather than my meal, so when I say I want to share… I actually want 50% or more. Watching us eat desert must be like watching a tennis match.  Its stressful to eat desert with him because if I don't race him, I won't get my 50%. Ahhh alas the farting before he gets back in the car…. I know this is better than doing it while we are in the car but still. This is why I thought it would be a good idea to go on a first date again. #resetbutton

We were in Miami and we planned to meet in the lobby bar of our hotel. It didn't help that I was wearing a dress that I could barely walk in, but I scooted my way to the bar. I ordered my drink and we started with the small talk. He was visibly nervous and mentioned that he was nervous #cute. Then when he went to pay for the drinks, (which were $30 each, totally ridiculous) he complained about the price. OK! guys if you're on a first date and  you select a meeting place, I don't think you should openly complain about the cost of the drink in front of your date… #mistake1 #badform

We hopped in a cab and went to dinner at a place my friend recommended, Casa Tua. It  was hot as balls out, but the ambiance was amazing. He was very complimentary and used words like "pretty" and "beautiful" rather than the word "hot" which I think is kind of tasteless. There is a time and a place for the word but not on a first date nor over dinner. #notthetime

Casa Tua and I suppose one wouldn't really take a "couple" photo on a first date. 

Over dinner Christian mentioned that he had planned something for after dinner. Side Bar: earlier in the day he disappeared and I thought he made a call and planned something romantic and really sweet so I had some expectations #mymistake1. Well, he then proceeded to tell me that he got us a table at a female impersonator show on Ocean Drive #ugh.  I asked him where he found this place… he replied "sky mall magazine". #wtf #mistake#2

I will always roll with the punches... no romantic plans… tranny's in ripped nylons and crooked wigs... lets go! We drove up literally to this sidewalk show with the most low budget tranny's who were impersonating "The Golden Girls" at best. We sat down and watched the bad lip syncing for about 3 minutes. Christian said "lets get out of here" and that was the end of our date. We agreed to break the facade on the cab ride home.
Nothing but the best! 

In closing, I would have given him a second date for the mere fact we had some good conversation, there was obvious attraction and I'm not a total a-hole, so I would let his mistakes slide and would give him crap for them at a later date (if it were a real first date).  In this case, it was fake so I gave him crap on that cab ride home. He said I was cold at first… to which I had a wise ass comment back about his overzealous and unrealistic expectations of how a date should go in the first 5 minutes #notthatkindofgirl

I do think everyone should try this at least once though:) Have fun!

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